When you wake up early in the morning and God reveals something to you, it can sound almost like a gong going off in your head or a “ta DA” moment. At least that is what it felt like to me this morning when I woke up early on a Sunday morning. Something that I hadn’t seen before was revealed to me in a split second. I knew immediately, this was from and of God. I just knew it in my spirit. I thought to myself “why hadn’t I seen that before..why now? So, I jumped out of bed and thought that I needed to research this right away, so I sat down at my laptop and logged onto the internet to do a search on “When God wakes you to revelations”. I read several articles on the web and I thought to myself “I know I’m going to find out why this happened” or the significance of it at least, but I found something even better.. I found the words “holy dissatisfaction” in relation to the word depression. Here is what I read:
How to Find, Follow, and Fulfill God’s Will/Andrew Womack Ministries
We need to understand that the “holy dissatisfaction” that comes from God is totally different from depression. The depression that comes from the world is a result of giving your attention to the flesh, instead of focusing on the things of God (Romans 8:6). The dissatisfaction that God uses to give direction to believers who are seeking Him is completely different from the turmoil of negative emotions. God doesn’t use depression to guide us..The only way to have perfect peace and joy is to point your life in the direction God wants you to go.
Otherwise, you may be praying to get rid of discouragement in your life when, in fact, the lack of peace you are experiencing is a result of not being in God’s perfect will. When you aren’t going in the right direction, He will sometimes turn you around by giving you a sense of unrest, or what I call a “holy dissatisfaction.”
Wow, what a moment and another revelation!
So that would be my goal now to find God’s perfect will for my life. Yet in the article it also introduced me to a new term “holy dissatisfaction’. I had felt dissatisfied in the last few years. Not just emotionally, relation-ally, but also spiritually. I had not been able to find a ‘home’ church, in fact I just didn’t seem to find that family or home feel at all. I tried to engage in small group studies and activities in one of the churches I joined, in the hope to come to know the other believers and members there as well as come to know my God more personally. I joined choirs at a couple of churches and was about to enter into a worship group in yet another church but each time, it just didn’t feel right. I prayed about it. I went to church, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make that connection. I felt dissatisfied. My life needed the connection with God and his people.
I was newly separated and coming out of years of verbal and emotional put-downs. I read and studied the bible at home, and made connections in the church yet only a few people that I met did I feel that they embraced me in those churches and some not at all in others. I made it my personal goal each Sunday to greet those I had met and even introduce myself to others that I had not met.
I was at a loss. What was I doing wrong? I really liked people. I really loved God.
Well life has changed for the better I believe and I am back to attending my childhood church. These are some of the most beautiful, loving and accepting people I have ever met. They were when I was a child and all throughout my life even when I lived states away and they are today. I thank you God for each and every one of the people here. I am now participating in choir and hope to be taking part in a bible study soon. I was excited to be asked just yesterday by another member to start a study possibly in each of our homes. Hence, the connection I have so longed for!
***FINDING GOD’S PEACE***
I am still working toward finding God’s peace in my life. There is a scripture that brings me closer each time I read it. Philippians 4:6 ‘Do not be anxious for anything but in everything by prayer and petition WITH Thanksgiving!, make your requests known to God and the peace which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus!”
It is like a baby blanket settles over me and I am warmed and peaceful, like right before a nap each and every time I speak those words of scripture. That is powerful.
Also in the article by Andrew Womack ministries, I read and learned that you can study the bible for years and not feel anything significantly has changed. The piece mentioned that like farming, you have to toil the soil first before the first seeds are planted. Wow! Or you may have to dig up rocks…so that the soil is right for planting. That made perfect sense to me all of a sudden.
You can read and read the bible and while that is useful, after years of not working the soil, a lot of work is needing to be done before the planting season.
I AM NOT A MISTAKE AND GOD DOES HAVE A SPECIFIC PLAN FOR MY LIFE!
Andrew Womack asked the question…..”Have you ever felt strongly without knowing why that you had to do something?” I know I have. I have no idea why it manifested in my life at the age it did…but I’ve felt and have been feeling for years..that I had to share my story, my testimony, whether spoken, written or musically.
It has been a joke in my family for sometime and my Mom used to say to me “God gave you the “gift of gab”. I began in the last few years to see it as the “gift of words”.
It has been said that I could “talk to a signpost”. Maybe! 🙂
I learned about God’s gifts that each person receives was when I first took a quiz at a church right before I was to join it. I have taken the quiz/assessment twice and both times the results are the same – the gift of “exhortation” or…words! So there it was. I have felt for some time this need to write and share my story or speak them as the need arose. I have always felt it very rewarding to pray for someone and even offer a word of encouragement.
HERE IS WHEN I BELIEVE I BEGAN TO SEE A CHANGE: THE PRAYER OF JABEZ
Bless me indeed! Enlarge my territory. That your hand be with me, that you keep me from evil and that I may cause no pain!
Months ago, I began each morning when I wake-up, by praying the prayer of Jabez. I felt shortly thereafter God opened a door. Months ago, I began each morning when I wake-up, by praying the prayer of Jabez. I felt shortly thereafter God opened a door..
The first thing that happened is that a writer contacted me through social media and asked me to write alongside her online..I replied “who me?” It was a pivotal moment..and has changed me…..I spent months messaging this same lady back and forth. I have written about her influence in my life here before. I am certain God placed her there.
She came into my life during very dark days..scary days. I’m happy to report that life is returning to color from black and white. However, there are still some days I do have a shade of blue in remembering my last few years..and sometimes I slip and fall back momentarily in missing the past, to looking back at the past…and yet today…I no longer believe that is a bad thing as long as I don’t dwell there too long.
There were some pretty “tremendous” people placed in my path, some that although the ending shades were not a pretty bright yellow…still impacted my life …almost as if on a trampoline. I bounced, close to the edge for a while but by the grace of God my bounces are further and further away from the sides.
???SO WHAT DOES GOD WANT ME TO DO???
I do feel I have something already that I believe God wants me to do…I may not even know who it touches or why….but that’s alright. I’ve felt for a while and I declare it….
“…if God gives someone 5 minutes of peace from something I say, write, or sing….then I done as I have been asked.”
I’ve been thinking for so long (as you learn when in the midst of angry and hurtful words spoken to you day in and day out for years) that I was such a mess that I couldn’t possibly contribute anything of value to anyone. In fact I’ve even felt like a “pariah“.,..in life and that nobody in the community really wanted anything to do with me, well not everyone has been like that. I realize now, that part of this was residual from how I had lived, the environment of put-downs that is. My church family and others are Gems, true treasures in my life. I no longer have to try and figure out why I felt like a pariah, I’ve given it to God. I’ve come to the conclusion it doesn’t matter what other’s think if they do not know me. It’s part of human life I suppose.
It is about what God believes! It is about what I believe about myself and about my finding a way to bless others!
NOW ON THE ISSUE OF OUR HUMANISM AND MISTAKES!
Of course I know my choices haven’t always been the best. I make no excuses for them. I know a couple of them were maybe not the wisest..but even in those times, I believe God directed me away from those choices. I am thankful! He even as I’ve learned through recovery sessions, may have placed his hand over me to shield and protect me. Seclude me…grow me. Heal me.
I know in my heart of hearts GOD has placed wonderful people around me. To even help me. I may not have had the opportunity to say thank you personally, but I am thankful.
WHAT’S NEXT GOD?
Today …I’m excited….to see what God wants me to do and who he has set in my path. I can feel him working in and through my life!
Thank you Lord for your revelations …Wake me in the early mornings Lord if that is your will.
I am excited to learn and grow and even learn …more about who my great heavenly Father is….and what He has to teach me and reveal for me to do.
This brings me to one last point and a place that I’ve been studying. Roman’s 12:1-2 “
1I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. 2And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, and ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” http://www.ccel.org/study/Romans_12:1-2
I am on a mission to present myself as a living sacrifice. I may not know all of the ramifications as of yet, but I know that instead of depending on what would put a bandage over my pain as in the past…
….that if I give my all to God and focus on him and redirect my thoughts one minute, one hour, one day at a time, even when they start to fall off the edge of the trampoline, then I hopefully will be heading toward God’s good and acceptable and perfect will for my life.
Each day is a gift and an opportunity ….so keep PRESSING ON!