You know you feel the pangs of “real” love when you wish others to be happy …….’despite’. What do I mean by despite? What I mean is… there are many times when life doesn’t go as you wish it with the person/s that you wish it to go with.

Sometimes life sends people who seemingly come together one moment in time, in completely opposite directions, in the next moments in time.

It’s sad enough when someone you enjoyed having around you announces or even fails to announce their life will be taking them in a different direction, either because of a new job or their spouses job or even their new love’s job or any other reason that one can depart.

Yet, when the departing is due to a disagreement, the “sad” is much harder to bear.


We all have been through disagreements. We all are human. End of story. …..Not exactly. Here is where it begins.

One day when “someone” wakes they are angry and hurt (day one after the disagreement). ….then there is day two, day three, day 4, day 20, day 100 and the next thing it is day 2011. Day 2011 “someone” wakes up and just knows they are going to live. “Someone” has prayed about what happened. “Someone” has prayed that they survive and that they do not drown in their own tears and pain. Someone has prayed to God that ‘The Other One’ (the other party) will begin to see what they did in regard to the fall-out.

On Day 2012 it could be the day “Someone” prays to God that they finally are able to see and understand what and why they said and did the things they did.. that also contributed to the fall-out. Then on day 2013 “Someone” wakes to find they can look at the disagreement a little closer and that it doesn’t sting quite as much.

Day 2013…could be the day that “Someone” may realize that they “someone” misses “The Other One”. Oh, I hope we don’t ALL wait until day 2013, but YOU see my point which is……………………..

There will be a “one day” when WE may see it all more clearly still, not with OUR eyes mind you…but with the “eyes of OUR heart”.


Something miraculous happens when ones notices ‘something’ in the place of that hollowed out space in one’s heart…

Something” has moved in to fill the empty space. Do you know what I think that “something” is? I believe the “something” is called forgiveness.


I believe un-forgiveness leaves a hole, a vastness inside of our hearts.

It (un-forgiveness) reminds me of standing at the bottom of the Grand Canyon and calling out “The Other One’s” name and all that is heard is the echo….


Back to Day 2012. It could have been the day when “Someone” realized that it is only his/her own voice coming back in the echo…and “Someone” is “alone”.

Have you ever met “alone”? Have you ever heard “alone’s” echo?

Now….back on day 2013, “Someone” or “The Other One” may find that they have a different perspective, a new view of what took place. Has that ever happened to you before, when you were just soooooooooooo certain of how things were ..and then one day ‘see’ it all differently? I hope it has happened to you….It is a great eye opener! Meet Time and Perspective……

Time and Perspective are joined at the hip!

What I have learned is this – where Forgiveness is, there is also this wonderful friend called Love. I have learned they are “best friends.” I’ve also learned that Love is to Forgiveness what” two birds of a feather” are which is, “a pair”!

Forgiveness and Love walk hand in hand. Love smiles at Forgiveness and Forgiveness giggles. (My parents used to refer to is as ‘going steady’. In my high school days it was referred to as ‘going together or ‘going out’.)   🙂

Day 2013 is the day when Forgiveness realizes that if Love had to leave his or her side – Love would take a piece of Forgiveness’s heart with them. Day 2013 is the day that even if Love and Forgiveness parted for only a day or….. until forever, that they both would want the best for the other………. even….. if they could not be a part of each others “forever”.

Both Love and Forgiveness would wish the other to be happy, “despite”….


That’s…. when Forgiveness “would just know.”… it really was (about) Love.

Wilted or a thing of beauty....Perspective!
Wilted or a thing of beauty….Perspective!

It is really okay to “JUST KNOW”!

Keep pressing on….>>>>>


2 thoughts on “THAT’S WHEN YOU JUST KNOW

  1. What a nice way to explain forgiveness. Each day…each thought…moves toward that final realization of whether to “live and let go”, or reconnect. I fell out with several friends and family members during the time I was living in a state of “trauma bond”. Reconnecting and fully forgiving is a work…some people whom I love were hurt by my emotional distance and lack of emotion at the time…I am not that person anymore-the effects of domestic violence reach beyond the single abuser and victim.


    1. Thank you for the kind words. My pastor gave me the idea (planted the seed) and I woke yesterday to see that she was correct. If one is able to reach a place of forgiveness, then the love of God is present, therefore Love and Forgiveness are connected.I thought of that in terms of relationships and how they are ‘entwined’ and ‘intertwined’ as couples are and the other relationship I found was Time and Perspective.

      I completely understand about learning to ‘reconnect’. It has been more of a difficult task than I expected. I wasn’t even aware that I was that ‘disconnected’ until time had passed from leaving the area of abuse. I too believe there are those that have completely misunderstood or mis-read who I was when I returned to a safe place, however, I accept my part in that. I just didn’t realize on one level how broken I was. I certainly had no idea how it is that one arrives at this broken state. I thought by leaving the situation, I would be in a better place.

      I was never a person with phobias that I know of and I certainly loved all my life getting to know and talking with people. Not so much for a while after my experience. In some ways that has been harder for me to accept.

      I never understood until recovery how an emotional abuser can not only erode the self esteem in someone but also erode/destroy their ability to trust. I lived in a precarious state for many years, walked on egg shells and off balance. In a word “fear” had gripped me and I never saw it coming.

      I understand and can relate to the “distance” yet I was very emotional and sad because I couldn’t just ‘bounce back’ like I assumed. I was frustrated not at others…but with myself. I must have showed that on my face and I truly didn’t mean to. I also am not that person anymore, but I, like yourself because of my ‘story’ will be an advocate for “domestic violence” victims…and where I am now …

      I am realizing …I’m not a victim any longer…I am a survivor just as I was through the Breast Cancer experience. In many ways, Domestic Violence has been harder to recover from and in that recovery I pushed people away and have closed many doors. I wish I could un-do the ‘pushing away’ yet the doors were and are necessary. In some cases when I look back …now that I can look at it from a new perspective and from the place of love and forgiveness even of self, I see love was there all along, I was just afraid and unsure of my footing.

      I am emerging now and gaining more strength every day. I thank you for taking your time to read my post/s and for your feedback. I also applaud your efforts to bring awareness to this issue.


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