My Request for Your Help – A Fork in the Road

How would you handle this 'heart' decision?
How would you handle this ‘heart’ decision?

I need to ask you a question. Ok – more than one question! There is a cross-roads situation and a decision to be made. Can you help?

Would you turn your back on this or other someone in a similar situation or would you hang in there and continue to be their friend?

Here is the reason I ask…….

One of my children has as we all do, a life experience (fork in the road) in front of them. They have a new friend. This friend was becoming a very good friend and now I believe as does my child, the friendship may have ended before it begun.

Sounds like a beautiful chance for a romance ending before it ever begins. Well this is only friend to friend but certainly, there’s a similar potential for loss. 

I felt very passionate about what I shared with my child last night and ended up standing up from my sitting position at the kitchen table and walking outside before I could say way too much. I believe as parents we sometimes have to make our position clear and then let go enough to let the children make their own decisions about friends. We can guide. We can “jump in” if there is what we consider is danger. I don’t believe that is an issue here.

Let me start by telling you a little more before I share why I was so passionate about the subject at hand. My child met this friend about a month ago. This person is bubbly and as it turns out, our family has a connection with theirs. (having once lived nearby) It is certainly a small world. So, we both really honed in on this point….this could be a really great and lasting friendship. I mean they have so much in common and even a personal connection? We were both hopeful.

That’s when the skid started…..

This friend said and did something that my child is now taking a stand against and before we go any further, I have to say I admire my child for taking a stand. I admire my child for setting boundaries.

I wish I had done that much younger, maybe my heart would not have been broken.

What started this is my child received an email from another friend who wanted to caution my child. The email to my child suggested that they use caution in this newly formed friendship and that ‘they’ (the emailing party) didn’t want to see my child go down the wrong path..  I’m sitting on the fence here because my child nor I have known either of these people for more than a matter of weeks. The email as it stated was based on personal experience with my child’s new friend.

Was this a case of really caring or ? I tend to believe in people until they prove otherwise.  Anyway…


My Child’s Position:  My child has expressed that they feel lied to and betrayed by this new friend. My child apparently did something for this new friend only to find out there may have been another motive….Okay, I’m praying motive is a strong word..so lets just say…it was not the original purpose stated. The friend had admitted some time before to my child that they (new friend) had at one time struggled with certain things in the past (addiction). Honesty is good right? My child has pulled away from this new friend. They still see each other but no one interaction. My child is keeping a wide birth around this person. End of story in my child’s mind.

My position: While I believe my child is wise for being possibly caught in a precarious situation, I have suggested to my child to be considerate, compassionate and kind. While I don’t have all the answers which is why I’m posing it as a question here on the blog, I believe there is a right and a wrong way to handle it.

As a Christian I believe there is an opportunity to be a light to someone who is in the dark.

I found myself feeling quite passionate about not ‘giving up on someone’. I have been there. I have felt the sting of other’s positioning themselves against and away from me and I have been perplexed and hurt more than I could begin to express on this page. I feel so strongyl that when someone is in a ‘bad’ place in life and alone,….

filled to the brim with lonely tears,…….

………that one could find themselves also in a precarious place – whether to cross the bridge to help or stand on the edge and consider the alternative.

I am afraid of the edge. I have been too close to it. I don’t wish that for anyone. I know we can’t fix anyone, not really, but our God is the ‘GREAT FIXER’! (HEALER). I know at the very least and the I feel a very powerful way to go is to offer them up in prayer. 

I would truly appreciate anyone’s ideas or suggestions or feedback on this. Have you ever experienced this??????…Have you ever experienced this in the workplace also? That is a whole other subject?

I truly would welcome ideas and suggestions for my child on how to help herself and any suggestions for the friend. 

Update: After speaking with my pastor, she suggested that the question should be asked of the person that contacted my child as to their reasons, asking them if they would be in a position to help the person. In this way, maybe it would shed some light into the ‘reason’ or motives if there were any present. I guess a better way to say it...to determine their motivation behind contacting my child. 

It is a fine line to walk in healthy responsibility and maintaining kindness and compassion for another human soul. My heart says that in the end, kindness and compassion is the best route to take even if we have to come back to it!

So…………………………………….my vote is that we can pray for all involved in circumstances such as these…and then to press on with ‘compassion’!

<3<3<3

I would really welcome your insight on this..and if you do not feel it is the place to voice this, please feel free to email me @  Suthrngirlsings51@gmail.com.

 

Many thanks in advance………….

SG51

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “My Request for Your Help – A Fork in the Road

  1. Keeping the line of communication open between you and your daughter as she experiences this new person in her life, is so important. Just from my experience-when my 20 something’s were teens, I was ready to save the world. It backfired, as the “friends” ended up robbing my house and leading my child into drugs and alcohol -I was so busy “loving” that I didn’t notice what was happening.
    We can be the light without trying to “fix”. The new friend will be watching your daughter’s life. It sounds like your daughter will not be mean or rude to the friend…and one day, your daughter may be the one this friend turns to for help.
    I have seen my daughters friends turn to her as an advocate when they have traveled a difficult path. Many prayers for you and your daughter💜 God will lead!

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    1. I agree I am not in the business of ‘fixing’. I am here to be a light only even if to learn to find my own light within. I shared ‘my child’s story very carefully, so as not to point a finger to anyone male or female involved. I pray all parties involved in this ..peace of mind and heart. Thank you for responding and sharing. You have been most helpful.

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  2. Usually do not comments on many blogs as there is a tendency for things to be taken in a way that they are not meant…but your situation feels close to one of my own. It reminds me.

    When I was 19, I formed an attachment to a friend. Admittedly, this was romantic, which I understand you have stated is not the situation of your child—however- love is still love. I felt a very strong sense that something was wrong. I tried to distance myself. My mother encouraged me to keep ties open. My gut told me one thing, and my mother encouraged me to be open minded. That was good. The problem ended up being when we talked to some friends of ours who knew the person I was romantically interested in and advised us to remain friends, but as far as anything romantic was involved, to keep our distance. We did not heed the advice.

    I ended finding out many thing about my friend that wounded both of us. Remaining compassionate to the hard times of others is always the right thing to do; the way to do that can often vary for our own protection or for the protection of those we love. The only piece of advice I can give you is to take into consideration what the other friend said (I also acknowledge that you have not known them long either with makes things much for difficult in your situation.) Find out as much as you can before pressing on. This person may be someone who just needs love and understanding- but that is not a switch to make if the price to pay is your child’s heart or emotional stability. You are to guard her before all. I am not saying she will get hurt- only that if that is a possibility- your emphasis needs to be on your child. She will make her own choices and that is not something you can or should try to control. What I mainly mean is that you need to be on her side first. I hope that makes sense.

    This is a challenging situation, so I pray everything goes well for you and your daughter.

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