Just when you think you could reach out and let your guard down, right when you’ve decided to yourself “I’m ready to jump in, sink or swim, here I go, over the edge, taking the leap of faith that is needed” and then… before the chance is taken..something suddenly changes the course?
I could throw caution to the wind but at this point, I would rather throw it all up in the air and hope the wind catches it and blows it away. I could do that, or I could just throw it all down on the ground and step over as I walk away. I could turn around and kick it even. I could do any number of things and cause a scene, but that’s not me and Me is who I am trying to show….me, the real me, not the one behind the mask of fear and dismay. I’m thinking past the masquerade scene.
Truth time….I have felt in recent days like God was helping me lower walls, but now I believe He may have been asking me to open myself up to the possibility of new relationships. I can only speculate that if the change took place and the door was closed on the other side… then God has a better door for me. He certainly has been opening doors in other areas this week and I am very grateful.
Maybe my heart is just being prepared to come out into the open but that wasn’t the right door. Again, I am at the point of complete trust in God’s timing for everything. I will not allow myself to settle. I won’t allow myself to compromise on what is less than God’s best for me. I’ve spent too many years settling. I know there are wonderful experiences and wonderful people out there, so again…..God knows what is best!
I’ve decided these days though that what doesn’t become real and remains hidden is not there.
What is the scripture that says the dark doesn’t like the light? People who do what is wrong hate the light and don’t come to the light. They don’t want their actions to be exposed. (John 3:20) God’s Word Translation from biblehub.com
Yet of course, that’s not what my heart says, but I’m learning to listen to more than my emotions. It has to be front and center for me now or ‘smack dab’ in front of me reaching out to me. (a favorite southern expression.) The opportunity can’t be obscured and hidden or by innuendo, because what kind of opportunity is that? It has to be definite. “Real” is the real good now.
The heart is sacred to me and I believe that is where deepest love is found, but like the jewelry box under lock and key, I guess for now until God causes a collision of sorts, that it is where my heart will stay… right midst the other baubles. It’s just no fun that way, I admit that….I’d rather just throw caution to the wind. I keep hearing the messages “you have to take a leap of faith or you don’t know until you try”….We only live once after all, but it also can’t be one-sided.What’s the point in that?
Who knows what today’s minutes and hours will hold….Maybe I will give it another shot, maybe I won’t….or…just maybe perhaps…
………………………………………………..I will throw that caution to another wind….
Either way….I’m …Pressing ON…….