I have written a lot about my grief process. The grief started with the death of my Mom, to grieving the loss of love in my life even while in the relationships, to grieving what life is supposed to look like in a marriage, a book entitled “My Mrs. Cleaver View” written by yours truly! Then on to grieving ‘I stink at this newly single-girl thing’, to a son sick for months, to ‘where is my Mom?’, to ‘this job makes me cry daily’, to ‘where did they all go?’
It has been a long journey of adapting to change and loss. It has literally made me tired some days. I have found myself physically exhausted. I am completely convinced God has given me this time out of a job for a purpose. He knew all along as the ever seeing God of the Universe, that I had some work to do first! He has blessed me with a home and Father and let me say that right off the bat! He is my sustain-er, my healer, my strength, my shelter, my provider and the love of my life! He gets me even if no one else does. He created the cocoon for me to wrap myself into.
He provided the bedroom of safety or as my son says each time he says goodnight to me on the phone…’I love you to the safe-havens and back’!
Oh, did I mention one other bit of grief, a major bit! My little guy was not allowed to travel to my new home with me and my other two children. It was part of the ‘deal’. No deal! I have and continue to grieve this! Anyway, I am learning to be gentle with myself. I am learning to give myself time. That my time of grief doesn’t have to correspond with how the world views my progress. I have needed more sleep and more time alone and time with just my kids. I have not been able to give like I would have wanted and expected me to. I have accepted that. I have grieved that others didn’t understand that I wanted to but just wasn’t there yet. I have beat myself up for that also. I am such a people-pleaser that even my grief would be placed on a shelf if I thought I could make someone else happy but that that is not healthy.
I am understanding the process now of grief. IT is an individual journey. I recently talked to a family member, actually two of them that are grieving currently, as has my Father for two years since losing Mom.
Each of us has had our own journey through the process, some slower than others like myself. One has just realized he never grieved and is just beginning to come to terms with the loss, two years later. The other family member is in the midst of it (a new loss) and hurting greatly after a marriage of over 50 years.
We shouldn’t judge anther’s progress, but we can be compassionate and patient with each other as we all will have to learn this process in our human life.
It is part of a our journey and we (all of us) need to say we are grieving so that others can know even if they don’t understand and then we each need to give ourselves the same understanding. That is what I’m learning about pressing on in the grief process.