Sometimes sitting here in my upstairs bedroom I feel like Rapunzel locked in the tower with one major difference, I do not have the long hair. Well, I’m sure there are lots of major differences. I am not young and beautiful or blonde and blue-eyed. I am not in a tower and I am not locked in. I am not royalty by the worlds standards, yet I am by God’s design, his daughter.
I’ve giving up on waiting for the along-awaited and late prince charming or even Superman to save me. I’ve decided to save myself.
Today I have reached a point of acceptance. That feeling of peace that things are what and where they are and that simply – I’m okay with it. It doesn’t mean that I will not from to time wish things were different or had turned out differently, but I have a feeling of peace today and of letting go of yesterday, of rescue’s and men on white steeds, brandishing armor. That is simply a fairytale and this Suthrn girl is dealing with today.
Today is quiet and calm. I have lots of ideas about things I want to do and learn and of hope that not long ago, was waxing and waning. Today, I am trying to be still in the ‘what is’ and know that I’m okay right where I am. You see, I’ve done some major recovery work in the last few weeks and this has led me to where I am today. It has not been easy. There has been days of blue skies to gray skies to blue skies again and to down on the floor of the bathroom in buckets of tears days, to quiet, then to resolve. Life has moved to not looking for other than what is in front of me, to not looking further than I should, to not looking at things and places that caused pain, and finally to shutting down the thoughts when they try to return to those painful moments. I have finally accepted what is gone… is gone. To accepting that God is where my focus should be and what He has provided, which is a home and family and letting Him direct my thoughts and desires and my hopes and dreams, as well as directing my goals. I have written a series of From There to Today – The Day of Acceptance pieces(now entitled “Parts One through 3 of Rapunzel Doesn’t Live Here” that I will share. They will be entitled:
- How We Get Rewards from Destructive Relationships – My Take on It
- The Grief Process – Be Gentle with Yourself
- Codependent, Acceptance, Faith, Recovery to What Now?
It is about substance and not form. Inspired from Substance Over Form, pages 298-299 in The Language of Letting Go by M. Beattie. It is about ‘filling in the outline of my story” with being authentic as I am trying to be and “showing up” for my life.
I don’t anticipate all roses and smooth sailing, but I am going to take time to smell the roses and sail along with the flow instead of against the current, at least, it will be my attempt at it, so here goes……I’m pressing in and pressing on!