I woke today and sat on the side of the bed as is my daily ritual, my time of prayer. I thank God for a new day – for breath in my lungs and new opportunities to serve Him. It is an honor to be His child.
I usually find that my prayers may start out in one direction and that I am frequently led to pray in other directions. I know the Holy Spirit is guiding my words. Today was no different. I woke with a painful thing that I’ve been dealing with (physical) but my prayers moved me to tears as they often do and the direction of my prayers became about pain in my heart. I left something at his feet today and within a couple of moments – I felt, the burden had been removed. The weight was gone….and as you will see – He did more…
I hadn’t intended to pray about the past – but something that I observed last night caused it to weigh on me and I realized ..it had been just underneath the surface for years. I don’t know why I had held onto this painful memory for so long. Looking at it though today, I can see maybe I was holding onto the last piece of a memory of someone whom I cherished, truly cherished. I say the word cherished because they taught me something that changed my life. The experience however, had caused both of us to do something to hurt the other. There was never a resolution an asking of forgiveness one to the other – and I never had a real closure. Until today.
Today the Holy Spirit had me say the words that I could hear myself say and yet had not planned – that I needed to set them (the other person) and myself free. Not that they were still held but that I was. I envisioned myself laying the wrapped burden on my heart at the foot of the cross – but this time – this person was standing there just behind. I prayed over it and this person – asking God to forgive us our failings and offered forgiveness. I asked for forgiveness. I acknowledged the changes made to my life, the fear that was caused from the other’s actions – the fear that had held me in chains for a long time. I prayed that God set us both free and that if they (the other) should see me again – that in my eyes they would see the love and the forgiveness.
I had prayed similar things over this past experience but this time – I did it with no malice, no sarcasm – nothing but love. I didn’t plead. I didn’t beg. I didn’t try to justify. I acknowledged my part in it. I asked for Gods and the other persons forgiveness and I asked that somehow – the actions of both of us be washed clean, so that we could be. I said to God – “I know you know my heart – you always have”. I know that others might not and because they have not asked – they only imagine what has taken place but this was not about others. This was about just this person and myself.
I heard myself say – how much I had valued them and still did. This time I said …”it was worth it all” – this pain – to see the changes God had made in my life since that day when my heart was slashed by their actions and the fear had set in. I thanked God for the circumstances – that caused growth.
I don’t have words of wisdom on this. I only can share from the place – the experience. I can only say – that sometimes as is the case for me – we have to come to the feet of Jesus – and ask to be set free of all pain but not just for ourselves but for the other. We have to exchange our pain …with his love – and his mercy and receive his full forgiveness. His full pardon. How we know we have received it???…. when we feel the weight lifted. I know we have both been set free.
God you are not just a good good Father – you are a Great Great Father. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to approach the foot of the cross and kneel before your throne and in your presence to offer my pain, my love, my forgiveness – and to experience and see that the wrapped package of pain that only moments before I had laid at the foot of the cross, is no longer lying there …
Go in peace today…lay your burdens at the foot of the cross, ‘feel’ the weight lifted and receive His peace…