I lay in bed this morning and I laid it all out to God. I cried out for the things on my heart. The decisions that need to be made, yet made. Were they made in haste? I do not want to be double-minded but when you feel an uneasiness about a decision or even in the midst of a decision, yet it was about moving toward God, do you heed the uneasiness as that from God or the enemy? Is it God trying to signal to you that all is not “in the light”, or is it the enemy trying to coax you away from the best step toward God? How do you know?
So, I laid out my heart before Him. I shed tears and heard myself say – even in the midst of pain, yet I will praise you. I will count it all joy, but I heard in my spirit – it’s time to be quiet. It’s time to go dark, to be silent and let Me direct this play. Seems wise, as I am not the Director of this life for certain. I am just a willing participant – so unsure …but willing to heed the urging to re-direct yet again, my focus.
I prayed for my lovely little boy who I miss to the point of despair. I pray for his protection every day and that even though the decision was made for me – not by my choice but that of the ex – I pray he knows how much his Mommy loves him. Some day I hope he will understand. Someday – I hope I do. I just keep trying to press forward.
So as instructed – I will go dark. Lights out. Be silent and wait and listen. I pray for direction of his words to my ears and heart and not that of the enemies whispers. I pray for clarity.
So tell me as you read this…if you are reading this….when you head in one direction that you feel is positive and toward God but feel uneasiness – do you heed it as the enemy trying to steer you away from something good, or do you heed it as God trying to steer you clear of something hidden?
For now…I will go dark and listen for God’s direction….