Never Too Late

Well, I woke today feeling blue again and it seems that the same thing comes round and round just when I am feeling stronger. But in reality – it is only a memory brought on from some sad news about my daughters friend who lost her baby early in the pregnancy and of a friend who is struggling with her mother’s declining health and a news report about Craig Strickland who was a very talented member of a band, who recently was found lying in the snow with his eyes to heaven and his body in the shape of a cross. I read the article and read the letter Craig’s’ wife found as a gift from God in her moments of need…and I realized….God did a similar thing for me…

Earlier this morning, I prayed to God to ask him to remove a returning sadness of prior experiences. I read in the bible. I did some writing and then I did a search online for music about dealing with reminders of hurt and loss and sadness. I found a song that really didn’t apply to me, well a couple of them. There were lyrics that touched me and were slightly similar but not really the same.

Then I signed onto Facebook and you know that lovely new feature – memories? Well, I had memories today that showed up in my feed and God revealed his answer – in the form of words I had written a year ago….So, I am sharing them today below. Not that I am still in this place but as a reminder that God answers my prayers….and he is never late. He is right on time…

Wow – was I blown away that I wrote this a year ago…..God you simply amaze me….Thank you God for your Divine Love…nothing could ever be better than YOUR LOVE!

WHEN IT IS TIME TO LAY YOUR BURDENS DOWN!

This morning I woke and still felt this puzzling deep sadness – not as strongly as before but still there in the recesses of my heart. What I was sad about? Truthfully, I am not completely certain but concerned it was taking over my heart and mind for the past few years to the point it was paralyzing me and not only that – changing me and not in the way that God changes a person.

I thanked God for a new day and asked him to bless me, enlarge my territory and that his hand be with me and keep me from evil and that I may not cause any pain. (The Jabez Prayer) Then, I said in my heart to Jesus – “the sadness is still there Lord, please take it from me.” I stood up by the side of the bed and I heard it in my spirit – “you don’t have to carry this sadness anymore. It’s not your battle. It’s not your giant. If you have given it all to me. If you are of a clean heart, then those things that you are carrying, that sadness, is not yours. You know the facts, you have clear thinking today” and in my mind I went through them all (the facts) as I knew them.

Surprisingly, my thinking was clearer than it had been in a long time. I thought back to all that I was carrying and one by one, I said – “oh wait” – “why am I carrying that”? “I didn’t do that”. “I hadn’t done that”. “I did walk there but that was the extent of it”. It was like a series of ‘aha’ moments were checked off in my mind – “yep” – “nope” – “nope” – “you’re right that’s not mine” – “wow – what have I been doing”?

He spoke to my heart and I heard…

“you know what your actions have been and what they haven’t been. Why are you taking things spoken over you as yours? You don’t have to do that anymore. You’re not a martyr. In fact, you’re not David and this is not your Goliath”. If that’s not profound? “I am not David and ….this is NOT your Goliath”!

Wow – what had I been doing? I knew where I had walked the last 4 years. I recounted them in my mind. I knew where I hadn’t walked also, so why did I allow what may have been spoken to or about me become my truth?In fact why had I cared? I know the reason – I care in general, but still – I’ve learned that it is ‘none of my business’ what others say. I understand that now.

Another reason – my self esteem had been the lowest ever. When you hear everyday for many years that ‘everything’ you did from the time you woke to the time the other person went to bed, was wrong, that you’re walking, talking, to your thinking was wrong about everything – you start to believe it. So here is the trait that I have learned and continued. In fact, I think I may have been taking on the martyr syndrome somehow to please others.

In truth however, I had learned this trait from my Mom years ago. No, this is not to discredit her. She was one of the most creative, skilled, wisdom filled people I have ever met. Yet, I remember her sharing with me that she had learned to do the very same thing. She was a child of an alcoholic parent and learned to make excuses for them and for everything that could go wrong. She learned to protect herself and she shared with me that she would even worry about things to the point that she felt if she worried enough, that she would be able to turn the outcome around or even control the outcome. She shared with me that she had passed that on to me. I see that I carried that into my marriage.

Interestingly enough though, I didn’t worry going through cancer. I worried after cancer – that I was flawed and ruined and that no one would love me ever again. My ex-husband had said to me that he would be there for me when first starting the treatment and that within weeks, if that long, he no longer supported my illness – dismissing it, so why would anyone else support me? Why didn’t I give that to God? Why have I been carrying that around like an albatross? Why did I put the responsibility of a human to lift me up, when only God really can.

I carried the burden too – as if I had weights from the gym on my shoulders – as if God is not the God who works in the ‘seemingly impossible’ business. Who was I to assume anything?

I heard in my spirit – “you no longer have to carry the burden of others fears, shame, guilt, hurt, pain, sadness, grief, sorrow, their views of you or their world upon your shoulders. If you have repented for things you have done in this life. If you have not even done any of those things – you still do not have to accept blame and shame for what you didn’t do, out of a need to please others out of some sense that to take it would help them or yourself.

I realize that it is a good thing to feel empathy and even from time to time sadness and grief that belongs to others, in order to take it and give it to the Lord for them, on their behalf, but once you pray to be released or for them to be released – release it. I visualized him telling me – “you are not David and this is not your Goliath”, as I stood there very small. Who am I to think that I should act as if I am a martyr? I am no martyr.

Interestingly – my soul felt lighter. I listened to the sermon this morning with a new intensity – lighter because I could absorb it from the release of the weight in my spirit.

So God’s gift to me today – ‘Time to lay my burdens down’. I will feel for others. I will pray for others. I have been preying for others all along. I will encourage and empathize with others and I may from time to time feel their pain, however… to be an effective Christian, God has thrown me a life-ring in the waters of pain and sorrow to grab hold of. He has pulled me to shore and straighted my back and he is pointing and encouraging me to press on….

We are not expected to carry the burdens of others to the point it makes us sick and weighed down by the load as a martyr. We can empathize…we can encourage, and most certainly pray for their pain..but NOT to the point to be so burdened that it makes us ineffective to help anyone or ourselves. #‎revelation‬

©vf aka suthrngirlsings51-012515

Below is a song that is near and very dear to my heart – and today – it doesn’t hurt to listen to it now – after many years.  My heart embraces the message – that he makes all things – new! I can see the transformation in my life and heart. Once I had passed through the pain and truly laid down my burdens and given God all of the credit……#beautifulthings

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2 thoughts on “Never Too Late

    1. Thank you secretangel. I was amazed that I had written that some time ago – a couple mis-spellings also..lol but that truly was a revelation – that God reminded me of. I know that what was written – clearly was not mine. It was God’s directed words to my heart. I loved writing for Hold My Hand and if you ever have a moment, you should check them out through Facebook. It was a great experience to interact with readers and authors and other writers and I was so honored to be asked to write alongside of them. That is when I knew I loved to write. Again, directed by God’s hand, because that is when I started my healing process. I am so very thankful for that time. That was also the first time that I read from one of the authors, ‘what others say about you – is none of your business’. I remember thinking at the time, that’s kind of harsh, but I came to understand – it was absolutely true! Focusing on what others say – is keeping the focus on yourself. I learned I should keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and he can handle the others. As I was telling my daughter last night – she had experienced some workplace bullying/taking sides – from women she had enjoyed times off the clock with and felt they ganged up on her – without real cause. I said to her ” count it all joy”, what they did – is a good thing and it speaks more about who they are, not who you are. Yes, we can correct this or that if we need to, but ultimately – if their motives were not pure – God will handle them. Period!” 🙂 The enemy constantly tries to cause rifts when things are going well. He speaks to others insecurities so that they act out. What we are not to do is react to it. I have come to the place of ..that’s for them to talk to God about! It gave me such peace to surrender that. It’s not my Goliath. God is my defender!

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