It’s one of those days when I am tired before the day is started. I battle fatigue after going through cancer some days. I’ve noticed it more. Is it that or is it that I’m just at peace today? I’m not sad, just sitting quietly listening to hope through Kari Jobe’s song Come To Me.
Sometimes I’m frustrated when I can’t seem to find anything to write about but realize that God may just want it that way today. He wants me to be quiet so he can speak to me, so I can dwell on all he is. I feel such love in my heart for this Father who never gives up on me. Who loves me despite my faults and frailty. He seems to be saying come to me….
No I don’t have anything brilliant to write about today – except that sometimes we just need to be quiet and wait for His direction. He is merciful even in that. Sometimes listening to the keys of the piano playing are just what he the great Physician orders for my soul. Some days it is to sing, but today….at least for now…it’s just to listen and let him speak to me…..
When you have those moments of feeling less than inspired it could be God’s way of saying it is your time to listen for my voice. Let me direct your thoughts…just dwell on Me. Just dwell on how much I love you. Maybe that is how he will help me express the love that is so deep in my heart that I’ve been longing to share…..I don’t have to rush it…I don’t have to do anything ..except let him direct me. Even when I think I am not doing enough – this is all He needs me to do for now….I am learning to just be….It is so hard for me to just be still – to let my mind just rest….not try to think about anything or figure anything out…just be…..why is it my soul seems so restless? I suppose I can answer that …it is because I feel I have so much to share of what I’ve learned before my last day….So much to do for the love of my life – my Jesus! So much I want to share of myself that I’ve not been open to do for so long. I know that God is healing me from the inside out…and I feel the first inklings of my heart opening again to life….ready to turn the page. Ready to let others in again.
I do know we aren’t meant to do life alone, but then I think but what if I’m not what they would want? That pain just re-emerges over and over again. Again, the doubt tries to creep in. But that is the truth…The scars of rejection are so deep…God please take this fear that I will never be enough. Help me to know that you are enough.
I know that I need his healing balm for this wound, so I’m reminded why I need to give it more time …to sit here quietly….It is my time with the Lord that heals me.
….and then my soul lifts…..He is breaking chains….as I sit and listen….His power uplifts my soul….