I took a road trip to the beach today and really enjoyed being at the shore after quite a bit of time. I always feel that I am home somehow when I return to this spot. This spot is the place I came to when I returned to my home state. I sat on the edge of the dune near this spot and wept that first time. I watched a surfer. I remember praying for him as he was gracefully dancing over a very turbulent sea that day. He made it thankfully as I prayed for God to protect him.
I walked near the shore and the rocks another time near this same spot and was so lost and cried out to God in my heart. People passed near, actually appeared behind me, but I could not bare for them to see the tears, so I turned back to the sea. I remember trying to muster a smile.
I have come time and again to this same spot for the last couple of years…..hoping to find a bit of home, a yearning I can not exactly explain, except that I feel that my Father is near. My heavenly Father that is.
I came today to this same spot by the sea and took some photos, of which this is one. This time there was no surfer, there were no tears….that is…until later on the ride home. I did have an encounter while there by the ocean…and felt God near. That wasn’t the only thing near – memories of things lost rushed past there also as I stood looking out at the ocean and the sky and listening to the surf, smelling the salt air and looking up at the gulls. I held the tears in until my car ride back home – in the dark where no one could see.
I started the day with tears also and they were also about memories caused from a revelation last evening of something that had been there all along, that I just happened upon. This revelation was not something that I wanted to find. It was a sad revelation of trickery and deception that I had tried so hard not to see. I hadn’t wanted to see it. I suppose God felt it time for me to see it.When I think about it, I had asked God only two days before to show me what I had missed,so that I could be truly set free. The reason I even asked God to handle this was because this particular memory/lack of resolution has returned over and over. I felt a fondness for this memory, yet an ache. I just knew in my heart that I must not be understanding something if it kept returning. I was doing my best to leave it in the past.
So, I sat here in my chair to unravel it all – to look for the beautiful bits of grace today – the ride, the trip to the shore, the beauty, my safety…food shared with my family and conversation and time spent traveling…and so so much more….As I unraveled, I found this scripture:
Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”
There He said it…..forget the former things, no longer dwell on the past. Time to close the door because God now says..it has been revealed for what it is….but now is the time to let it be. I could mull it over more but God has instructed me quite directly to forget it. He has shown me what I asked him to. He responded. Now I am to do what He directs…as the memories rushed past ….we crossed paths – what was ….and now on to what is….
“Goodbye past”…..as I whisper to the sea. I have forgiven what was revealed….and I watched my forgiveness and the memory float away on the waves.