That’s How I Knew

Happy go lucky

Age of 5

Gave my heart to Jesus

And I came alive

Sitting thru Sunday school

Wading thru the community pool

Took all my lessons

And everything was cool

Age 10 went to swim with friends

Everything was great

When I returned to the dressing room

My things were gone and I was late

Couldn’t find my things

Baffled when I asked my friends and they didn’t know

How could I have known …it was one big show

Yep..that’s how I learned not everything is fair

I learned quickly that coveting existed

And friends aren’t always who the say they are, or… really there

I decided right then at the ripe old age of 10

That I would love people no matter where they lived

No matter what their family car or where their house was located

As long as they had hearts of gold…I was good to go –

high society to me then became quite overrated.

From there I journeyed into the band

It was the happiest of times

life was grand

New boyfriend

New friends with a sprinkling of the old as well

Life was good as far as I could tell

Went on to college

Experienced my first heartbreak

Didn’t let it slow me down

No time for that in this town

Decided it was time to try my hand at new

Blew that Popsicle stand and headed out of town

New agenda – new work and new school

Everything was good…everything seemed grand

Life was good until I met him that year

He was there at the green party with the ‘lots o beer’

We got to know each other and soon everything changed

Then one by one….life became unchained

Well, to say that was an experience would be an understatement

I moved back and it was tough

Finished college by the hair of my scruff

Wasn’t long another new beau

This time he was true…

We became engaged and a new life would ensue

We headed to the big city

We only had one plan

But soon he was settled and

I flew literally to another land

We would come together just fine at first

He was gone quite a bit

9 years in…raising a pup when he got sick and died

And I prayed and called out to God for something to love

10 months later she arrived

She was a joy…beautiful wide eyes of happiness

We made our way….everything was good

We had a new home….and yet something was missing

I simply felt misunderstood

Now I battled with mom still – never did seem to please

But as soon as she started, well that is when I would leave

That’s when I also discovered a new way to exist

I would show them….I say “watch me – I can do this”..and raised my fist

What happened next I couldn’t understand

But as I traveled to work early one morn

I only remember a flash of gray

No sound – only silence…not even a horn

I awoke at the bottom of a hill

Smelled gas and found only one shoe

Couldn’t get out of the door

So, to the other side I flew

As I stepped out there was an angel by my side

He said I had been pushed over the side by a big rig

He had watched as the guide wire caught the tire

He said he knew I was done for by how fast the car tumbled

how I was alive at all…he was surprised..

because of how the car landed

-only One answer for sure.

He was amazed I was alive

I felt it immediately in the back of my head, a pain so sharp

He helped me lay on the side of the ground, at the top of the hill

That’s the first time I knew… there was an angel nearby playing a harp.

You see I never doubted that it would be fine

The doctors and nurses all whispered…”its broken”

They said she will never walk

Don’t say never..don’t count me out

I was knocked down…

count the days on the blackboard…11 weeks lying flat

I was up again …and that was that

I moved through life….there were a few tumbles….

Life and relationships came and went

Started life over

New opportunities…new life …and even a new mother

No, mine was still there…

This one was an inlaw

She was there for me when her son wasn’t …she

Took me to chemo …

together she and I went thru it all

I stayed home that year and learned the bible well

Ingested every scripture I could find to be led

Studied and copied both day and night

soon it was apparent,

I was very well fed

Now, that in itself was a blessing you see

God had a plan and soon I would see

I read…I studied, I prayed….with mom

I had received a rescue

that’s how I knew God had a hold of me

thats then how I knew

I made it through illness by the grace of God

Its been 8 years and He gets all the glory

I would not otherwise have such a grand grand story

Next though I never saw what was coming

I found what I described as a light

As I experienced a divorce

then a wilderness experience ….

Life was no longer easy

it became a fight

I lived in what my mom referred to as Babylon

And by the way…she too would leave

She became in a couple of months ill and had to go

For the first time in my life..I was truly left on my own

It wasn’t great

yet, there was beauty all around

I prayed I would make it

Many nights in the dark..I sat alone…never a sound

I tried to be light and happy

I looked for things to cling to

What I failed to do was hold on to the One

Who had been there all along

the One that makes all things new

I became fearful not understanding what was going on

I cowered in the darkness as shadows played outside my window,

as car horns and bright lights flashed every time I crossed my window to bed

I did my best to think happy peaceful thoughts

But when the whispers and comments began….I knew something was bad

I fought with another 18 wheeler…

He thought it would be fun to roll backwards when we were to sit still

1.    Through the rain at the 911 dispatchers’ advice, I raced to the big rigs side

2.    and Pointed to the side of the road

…looking back at how I survived that without a scratch

I knew who was with me on that ride

You see, I had just asked God just a few moments earlier to send his angels as we were on the highway and in a major storm

All traffic was stopped

No one could move

Until that rig rolled backward, and I heard a bit of metal crunch

Nothing could I do except pray…

he started forward

and it’s a mystery to this day

I have learned a great deal about life since that day I gave my heart to Jesus

I am no longer set on believing anything or anyone can provide what He does

I am happy reading, writing singing…or all of the above

Life is good

I have breath another day

I am safe now as are 2 of my 3 kids

the other one I pray for every day…

We try to do our best

We have much to build still

But I have hope that one day with God’s help

…it will be fine….it simply will

I see the beauty in every day things

I look for bits of grace

I’ve had to look adversity in the face.      

I’ve had stares and turned backs

And totally not understood

I’ve at times almost given up…laying on the floor

But where one window shut..God has always opened up another door

I whispered to God “if only they knew how much I love them so”

Each night before bed and when I awake each new day,

I pray for our first responders, our men and women who are so brave fighting for us to lay our heads down at night to sleep

I admire anyone who places their life on the line for another

See, what they don’t know is…

I see Jesus on one side of them…and his angels on the other

We each have value….I wish everyone knew they did

When others speak hatred, or even if receiving the Judas’s kiss

It isn’t a bad thing….

God has it right in His hand

so don’t count me out yet….I will be fine…

God’s got this!



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