As I start this day and new week, I have listened online to a service from my church. It was the story of Jacob wrestling with God and how in the end, the struggle had real and lasting significance in his life – even a name change, even a limp that he was left with.
In responding to another post, I saw what God has done that I didn’t really soak in until I was writing my response.
So many times, when I was (a)striving to understand what was going on around me, and in wearing myself out from the striving and pleading and tears, (b)knowing in my heart all along God was doing a work in me, yet still not surrendering it ‘all’ to Him, and all the (c)times in that exhaustion, I felt as if I could not hold on any longer….(d)feeling broken and that I had failed God, my family, myself and others beyond repair, especially (e)failing God in my relationship choices (not having Christ centered relationships, yet knowing there were blessings – my children) and (f)adopting the belief about myself from years of emotional put-downs that I was unworthy of healthy, happy relationships and that (g) I would be’ unwanted’ the remainder of my life and surely if humans felt that way, that surely God felt that way also….
“I reached a place myself as you can see that I can choose to be unhappy alone or I can see several things –
(1) I see that I have never been alone
(2) God has been doing work in me, that I’ve needed
(3)that I needed to surrender everything, even my fears to Him, fears and sadness from the past, fear of the future, fear of my lack and feeling like a failure for broken relationships and unwise choices
(4) to acceptance
(5) to forgiveness of self and others
(6) to being happy for the love and joy in others’ lives
(7) that it is an honor and complete joy to pray for others – which brings me to the 7 “completeness”. God is a miracle worker but like Jacob who wrestled with God, we have to hold on. 🙂 “
He is still working things out in my life – but that if I will hold on like Jacob, if I will surrender it all to him, stop striving and wrestling with him on the issues that trouble me and completely give them over…and remember to trust WHO HE IS, He WILL do a mighty work in and through my life, I just have to ‘hold on’.
How many times have you wrestled with God?
I will sit and dwell today on all you are God. I had known you but had not really “known YOU”, until I wrestled with you.